“He would facetime me every hour.” A safe space at Stepping Stones

Sara* was violently abused by her male partner, the very person that was meant to love her. She lived in fear until she found a safe space at Stepping Stones.

Sara’s story began as a typical case of ‘boy meets girl’. “I got into a relationship and had two kids within two years of being together, and to me everything was normal, and it actually was in the beginning,” she says. But things were not as they seemed. Slowly, gradually, a subtle and insidious form of abuse was taking shape at home. Sara didn’t know it yet, but she needed a safe space at Stepping Stones.

The abuse starts

Sara’s partner began to plan her days for her. Meeting up with family was frowned upon and Sara’s social circle began to shrink. “He was clever,” says Sara, “as he didn’t directly tell me I wasn’t allowed to do certain things, he just got in funny moods and would be (like that) until I sided with what he wanted.”

£26 could help us to run a community-based clinic offering support and advice to vulnerable women

“He would facetime me every hour of everyday, and if I didn’t answer I would have to explain what I was doing every time. But when I was in it, that was just normal to me.” Friends and family spotted the warning signs and tried to intervene, but Sara dismissed their help: “to me they were just being over-protective, now I realise that is not what life and relationships are.”

“The physical side didn’t come till a bit later on,” says Sara, “when he had worn me down mentally (and) he couldn’t no more, that’s when the punching and pushing started.” As the violence began to escalate, it dawned on Sara what was really going on and that she needed to escape.

Finding a safe space at Stepping Stones

Sara reported her partner to the police and decided to give Stepping Stones a call. “Joining Stepping Stones was a very difficult thing to for me personally. (It) was so very daunting making that first initial appointment. (But) as soon as I walked into Stepping Stones through that door I can just say I felt so safe. It feels so comfy and every person in there welcomes you with open arms, whether it’s a staff member or another person attending Stepping Stones.” 

Sara was assigned a dedicated Women’s Support Practitioner (WSP) who has journeyed with her as she rebuilds her self-esteem and begins to carve out a new life free from abuse. Women like Sara often need practical support, such as help with setting up a new home or navigating the court system as they seek justice. But they also need mental health support and help dealing with difficult emotions.

Sara finds herself again

Like many of the women we work with, Sara completed Serenity, a five-week programme designed to help survivors of domestic abuse find new ways of coping with stress and anxiety. This, together with the one-to-one sessions with her WSP, have made an enormous impact on Sara’s wellbeing:

“I was like an empty shell of a person because I had forgotten what it was like to be me. On my first ever session with (my WSP) she said, “we will get you back, Sara” and I never believed it. I can now honestly say she was right because I’m finding myself again. I believe I will be better than what I ever thought I could be.”

£41 could help fund an open information session in your area, so more people can spot the signs of domestic abuse and help women get support.

Thanks to our free onsite childcare for clients, Sara has been able to fully engage in the healing process without having to worry about who is taking care of her children. Stepping Stones is the only domestic abuse service in Bedfordshire to offer free childcare, and it means having a young child is not a barrier to accessing support.

“Stepping Stones are literally the stepping stones to rebuilding the life we all deserve. They are like the family support network every survivor needs and I’m ever so grateful for all the help and support they have given me and my two little girls.”

Women still need our help

Thankfully, Sara found the support she needed and is now living a life free from violent abuse. But many women in our neighbourhood are still living in fear. Fear of the very person that is meant to love them. Will you give them a safe space at Stepping Stones where they can heal and build a more positive future?

£60 would enable an abused woman to attend specialist trauma training to her regain ownership of her life

Donate now

*Name changed and representative image used to protect anonymity.